Living the Dream?

So...this is the part where everything I'm doing right now is supposed to be aligned with what I said I would be doing when I was 12 years old...

When I was 12, I told myself "Dria, by 25, you'll be married, have this amazing house, cars (Lambo today? Nah, the Range), great job, all kinds of money, and starting a cute little family ..basically living the "Dream"!

Umm remind me, who's dream was this anyway? Because I have a few questions for them.

Well here I am...27, still living with a roommate, living pay check to pay check, with a whole Masters degree (good ol' American education and employment opportunities) . . . .

So yes anyway like I said, pay check to paycheck (but still spending my last dollars on cheap wine and my nails, priorities right?!?). I ask my mom to do my taxes because who has time for all that adulting fine print mumbo-jumbo, oh and not to mention I still have all my important mail sent to her house because I'm just going to keep signing these 1 year leases until I figure it out. Hmmm. Home ownership, nah not yet! My mindset about marriage and children is actually going in the opposite direction than it probably should be. Something about being thirty sounds like a good time to start "thinking" about those things, am I right?!? I still have a few more late nights, early mornings in me. I have a few more ladies nights, girl trips, baecations, and auntie only duties to tend too first. 

So when I think about my 12 year old self and that check list I created back then,  all I can think about is my 27 year old self asking myself daily: "What are you doing girl?" And you know what my response to all of that is every time  "shoot idk, it's whatever at this point". You'd think the amount of times I say "idk" a day something would click and I would have it all together by now right! WRONG!

But that's just it...who said all of those things are considered "having it together"?? Oddly, overtime I've found the beauty in "I don't know". Uncertainty has been my biggest teacher and spontaneity has been a great provider of many sorts. I've found comfort in knowing that on the other side of every "idk, it's whatever" was actually perseverance, growth, hustle, truth, and even wholeness. In this exact moment in life I am, who I am. I am WHOLE, I am ME, I am EXACTLY where I'm suppose to be.